Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Wire Monkey

My friend J and I were talking about body image recently, and she said, “I’m very comfortable with my body—I don’t mind being naked in front of people—but I don’t really like it.”

“What’s wrong with your body??!” I asked. J is beautiful and tall and solid and stacked. She’s a Brick. House.

“Well, there are parts of it that are just ugly,” she said.

“Like what?”

“Like—like my back fat.”

“What’s wrong with back fat?”

“Back fat is objectively unattractive.” Which has to be one of the most ridiculous things she’s ever said.

“Not liking back fat is the epitome of subjective,” I said. “Take my brother. You’re too skinny for his taste.”

Then I confessed one of my body issues to her: when I see well-upholstered mothers cuddling their children, I feel sad that HB will never have that kind of comfort. All he gets are clavicles and acromion processes.

J eyed me for a moment, then said, “You know, you’re right. You’re like the wire monkey.”

And damn it if that image doesn’t keep cropping up in my head every time I hug my child now.

So go enjoy your holiday feasts. Do it for the children.


rlbates said...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours! Enjoy your holiday goodies.

Cathy said...

You really need to post more often. You crack me up!! Take it from a "well-upholstered" mother; its really not that great. :)


Mignon said...

Ouch! But it does make me laugh, that a woman and mother as attractive and successful as yourself will still find something to beat herself up about.

Merry Christmas!

(And what's your new favorite song, from the plethora of choices you were given??)

Mo said...

All hail Harlow's monkeys! That's a very funny post you've got there. I can see how the image would get stuck in your mind.

Really, there's no possibility that you're the terry cloth monkey? Maybe just a slight chance?!


Heidi said...

Do you know how nice it was to hear that from a doctor two days before Christmas? Thanks! Hope you day is really merry!

Vic said...

Season's best. Drop in on the family blog.

Erin said...

Perhaps a terry cloth robe would solve the problem?

Happy feasting to you, also!

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh, those monkey experiments totally get me and make me want to cry--especially since I had a child.

My daughter plays mermaid and uses my jiggly belly as her rock. She lies on it! She loves to grab and jiggle my fat.

Definitely, my squooshy parts are quite comforting for her. But every kid is comforted by his/her own mother's body, whatever it is.

Anonymous said...

If it makes you feel any better, I'd trade my ample chest for some A cups any day. Big boobs are NOT a blessing! Enjoy the wiriness, my friend. You are SO much more mobile!

Happy Holidays!


winecat said...

I'm right there with Flicka, you want 'em you can have 'em. Great to hear from you again.

Happy Holidays to you, Trophy Husband and Hellboy

Sara said...

I like my fat. And this story was hilarious.

OMDG said...

If it really bothers you, you could always become the silicone monkey.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I went to Rome for Christmas. I went running along the Tiber and thought of you. Happy New Year, Dr. M. -victoria

ScienceGirl said...

Happy New Year! And thank you for the running posts - you can count this (now less) stressed grad student as a maggot. I started running regularly in the summer, and my resolution for this year is training for a half-marathon!

Orange said...

Yeah, but someday that wire monkey's son will be a teenager with teenaged friends, and your pert wiry ass will stand you in good (but creepy) stead. HB is totally gonna be the guy with the hot mom.

Hmm, maybe that's not helping you any.

My boobs are pretty much nothing but decorative pillows. My son appreciates the place to snuggle, but they were never much good for feeding.

You know what, though? I'll bet HB associates clavicles and muscle tone with snuggly comfort. When he was a baby, Ben would get diaper changes from a mom with cold hands. He still usually doesn't shrink from my cold hands. My husband, on the other hand, has not been accustomed to cold hands all his life, and he could really do without.

DoctorMama said...

Mignon—I was waiting for more recommendations from you! I know you’ve got more than one.

Mo—I’m just not fuzzy.

ozma & Orange—you’re probably right. My son calls my clavicles “hot dogs” and just today was pretending to eat one—no lie. (But you are a little creepy, Orange.)

Flicka & winecat—oh, for myself I’m grateful for the mobility, no question.

Old MD Girl—Re: the silicone monkey: No. Way. For so many reasons—maybe a post one day.

All hail Victoria!!!!!

And ScienceGirl!

Mignon said...

I can send you a couple playlists I really enjoy, if you want - I think you and I have similar taste in music, no? I just want it to be fun and not stupid and/or overwrought.

My email is mignon underscore page at yahoo. Hope you had a happy New Year!

Unknown said...

That is funny (and the wire monkey experiments make me cry to think about them, too). I am well upholstered, with some muscle underneath. Lying on my side, my son, who likes to pet my stomach (and has since he was breastfeed) told me, "Mommy, this part of your belly is hard and this part is squishy. I like the squishy part."

Anonymous said...

At least you don't have a bony ass. I'm all clavicles and knees and hipbones and ass bones. Ouch!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. I, like Eve, have been told by my son that I'm a squishy mama. It's nice to have someone like the squishiness.

Dragonfly said...

I have no offspring but do have a (genetically predetermined - trust me, it remained even when I went down to 40kg with salmonella...anyways). Combined with prominent acromion and clavicles it makes me think - what am I going to do to comfort a child if padding is what they need? Unless my belly is well padded, that could just get WEIRD....