Friday, January 16, 2009

Wimpy Changing of Subject!

How about some more “kids say the darndest things,” since it won me an award last time?

HB, bringing me the doll he calls his “little sister”: Criss-cross applesauce, sit down on the floor and close your eyes!

[I obediently sit cross-legged on the floor. HB lifts my shirt and tucks the doll under it.]

HB: OK, now, you’re going to feel something a little weird, but don’t worry, it’s just your va gina stretching as the baby is born! [Pulls the doll back out.]

Me: [muffled horrified laughter] Is everything okay?

HB: Oh sure. Your va gina is already going back to normal—look down! Now say, “What’s this white stuff in my breasts?”

Me: … what’s this … white stuff ... in my breasts?

HB: Did you forget? It’s milk! For the baby! Feed her!

I swear I haven’t been drilling him with inappropriately detailed info on where babies come from. Don’t all the books say to just answer the questions asked? Well, he asked how babies get out, and then he kept probing and probing and probing … and clearly remembered it all. At least he didn’t seem freaked out by it. He knows more about the process than some pregnant people.

Changing the subject yet again: I got this for my husband (the Pro version), and I’m astonished to report that it works—I no longer have the distasteful task of nagging him out of bed.

(I did respond more on the last post, if you want to look in the comments.)

14 comments:

Orange said...

I smell another award coming.

HB is the youngest boy I've ever heard of playing make-believe doula/lactation consultant. Wait, I've never heard of any kid or any male or anyone other than a grown woman going that way. Love it!

Marin said...

My brother once screamed out (in church): "And that's me and my big penis!" when he was showing my mother a picture he had drawn of our family.

dr. whoo? said...

Ha ha! That is awesome. And yes, he's already better versed than many women on how the whole birthing process works. (Wait, you can't put in a catheter...how will the baby come out?) I love it.

Old MD Girl said...

Hilarious!

Perhaps you have a future male ob/gyn on your hands?

Heather said...

LMAO my son knows that boys have penises and mommy(b/c I am the only woman in his life he cares about lmao) has a "gina" lol. My son also likes to play dr. We got him a dr "kit" and he loves to listen to my heart and give me medication lol.

Kids are sooo funny!

Caustic Cupcake said...

"Oh sure. Your va gina is already going back to normal—look down!"

Bwahaha! If only it were that easy.

DoctorMama said...

CC -- well for SOME people it is -- looking irritatedly in your sister's direction ...

jbondsgirl said...

Hahahaha! Go HB! Clearly he has a mind like a steel trap. I think you should start him solving the Rheimann Hypothesis next; I am quite sure he'll get it. It's only a matter of time.

xo
Flicka

Erin said...

P and K have been watching birth videos since they were 17 months old or so (I teach childbirth classes). They both know perfectly well how babies come out. I dread the day that one of them asks "How did the baby get in there?" P just turned 5 and I know it's coming.

P said something about nursing just the other day. We were out in public. He made it sound like it was something he does frequently, and I got some VERY disturbed looks. (For the record, I stopped nursing him at 18 months.)

Heidi said...

That is TOO funny! I have a 4-year-old son who is quite interested in the birth process & TLC, and the other day I found him on his bed "in" a mother's belly (aka blankets) trying to find the baby (aka stuffed animal) so he could get the baby out. Alas, the baby was lost and scared and attacked him while he tried to "deliver" it.

I love hearing their interpretation of and fascination with birth. It is too funny!

el said...

I was impressed by how careful he was to reassure you that everything was all right. el

E. said...

How reassuring to have your kid tell you "your vagina is already going back to normal." Hilarious. I love the picture of him with his "little sister" doll. He is serious about feeding that baby.

(I also love the tights. This kid has nothing to worry about. He'll be fine.)

laura said...

i cant even tell you how hard i laughed at this. that's is AWESOME. i love when kids aren't afraid of things. your little one sounds like an awesome person.

Orange said...

I told Ben the other day that my cousin would be having another baby at home in a few weeks. "But you can't cut open your stomach at home!!" he exclaimed. I had to hit him up with some vagina details. His own birth story involves a C-section so that's what I'd focused on...