Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Bikini 'n' Snake

Now that I’ve drawn you in with that title, I will take advantage of your attention to complain:

I once read somewhere that a lot of working women say that a good thing about working is that even if things aren’t going great at work, there’s always home to escape to, and vice versa. But what about when nothing seems to being going right anywhere?

I used to love my job. Adore it. But for the past year or so, I often hate it. I really don’t know what to do about this. Today I had my first (near) panic attack in years. I just got back from vacation to get some very bad news at work. Then today I was busy busy busy and got to the cafeteria just before it closed, only to discover that they were out of grilled cheese sandwiches, OH MY GOD, NO GRILLED CHEESE, and there was nothing else I wanted to eat … and suddenly I felt like I just couldn’t take it. And I don’t even particularly like grilled cheese sandwiches.

Then there’s home. Something I haven’t blogged about at all because I really hate to whine about him is TrophyHusband’s relatively recent obsession with cycling. LATELY ALL HE THINKS ABOUT IS HIS FUCKING BIKE(S), there, I’ve said it.

Then there’s HellBoy being hellish. While he was out sick, his usual bud Justin started playing with Jack instead, and now they won’t play with HB, which makes HB come home in a fouler mood than usual, which, trust me, is saying a lot. He is so ill-tempered, this kid.

Then there’s BadCat, who has escalated from peeing on things that are not his litterbox whenever he’s mad to defecating on things that are also not in the litterbox category. He is also half blind now and looks like he’s giving you the evil eye all the time:



So it feels like everything kind of sucks. Many nights I fantasize about checking into a hotel all alone.

Do you still want to see me in a bikini holding a snake? Here you go:


Proof of the mysterious unpredictability of phobias. I know, I’m wearing the same dumb shirt and hat as in last year’s picture. Same bikini too. At least HB got upgraded to a Superman suit. And even if everything is falling down around my ears, baby’s got back.

35 comments:

Orange said...

My god, your ass is sublime. And those runner legs of yours. I hardly even noticed the snake.

My husband's been playing guitar a lot in recent months. I feel it would be unfair of me to complain on account of how much more time I spend on the internet. But you go ahead and complain about THE FUCKING BIKES all you want. You're entitled.

Sorry your life is being an asshole these days, dear.

Shirky said...

why do you have a snake, at the beach? did you find it in the water?is a snake this year's hot beach accessory?? I am fascinated by this crazy picture posted with no explanation!

Emmanuelle said...

DM-
I hate my job too - well, more often than not.
I took me a while to realize this, then another while to admit it.
How the muckymuck did this happen?
E-

Jul said...

If only one were permitted to roll the ol' Sisyphean boulder up the hill from BEHIND, you'd be all set.

And I'm so envious of those with actual runner's legs. Two years of pounding the pavement have not reduced my former fat-chick calves. "Um, you'd want someone to tell you if you had spinach between your teeth?" blurted Sig-Other one tipsy evening, "You are... ah... not-a-skirt-person!"

I say unleash the snake on your problems.

"GO TO BED OR YOU GET THE SNAKE!"

"DISCUSS SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE MERITS OF DIFFERENT SPOKE ALLOYS OR YOU GET THE SNAKE!"

"STOP IT WITH THE BLOOD IN YOUR STOOL OR YOU GET THE SNAKE! EXCEPT IN YOUR CASE, HE WILL BE CLUTCHING A COLONOSCOPE IN HIS TEETH!"

See how satisfying?

winecat said...

Wow, when life sucks it really sucks!

Sending a few hugs your way as you clearly need them.

((DM))

Meira said...

Yes, your ass is sublime, as Orange said.

And am I correct in blaming M's husband with getting TH bike-addicted? Are they at least partners in crime?

I don't suppose you could bump your running up to 10-15 miles per trip @ 18 mph? No?

oh,oh,oh -- but you could install him some ovaries & a wig and tag team on a women's triathlon . . .

Ah, well. I was going to say he'd probably get over it soon, but if he's driving you nuts in the off-season, it doesn't bode well.

I'm crossing my fingers that something gets better soon!

Health Psych said...

Life simply stinks sometimes and it does pass. Mind you, if you say you've been hating work for about a year, it might be possible that some of your negative feelings about that are spilling over into other areas, so that things become more major than they are.

Hating your work is really hard. I went through that. In the end, I just had to get out and did find somewhere I was much happier. We spend so much time at work, it's miserable if we don't get something positive out of it.

Read all the comments about the fabulous bikini picture but as a snake phobic, I can't bring myself to look!

Hope things improve :)

Clover said...

Well I haven't had much time to blog about it, but life pretty much sucks a** here as well. God I need a drink. Wanna join me sometime?

Eliza said...

I'm with Orange Tangerine--that is, in fact, a booty to be proud of! As for the every sucking part, well, I got nuthin' (seriously, come on over if you like the tragedy-porn -- I had to lay down a new edict in my house of "NOBODY WHO CRIES LIKE A BIG TITTY-BABY GETS TO GO TO TAE KWON DO!!!"

And then set an example by sending the husband to Tae Kwon Do with the one non-crying person in the house OTHER than him and staying home my own damn self to cry with the other two titty-babies. How's THAT for sucktastic? The worst part is when you step out of your POV long enough to be all "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CRYING ABOUT TAE KWON DO???? YOU HAVE A TERMINAL DEGREE!!!" Oh, the hubris.

Cecily said...

I'm so sorry. If it's any comfort, my husband is obsessed with the 1972 ford maverick he stupidly bought on ebay and has already dumped over $6,000 into to fix up. and found out he has to dump another $1000 more just today! Yeah!

Anonymous said...

re: the cat:

is it diabetic? renal issues as om chronic renal failure? dirty litter box syndrome?

gabi

Laura in L.A. said...

Oh, honey, I am always so happy when you post! Sorry for your troubles. "This too shall pass." Not original, but generally works. Love to you.

G in Berlin said...

I second anonymous. It's tough when cat's age. My kidney, diabetic cat had chronic bladder problems in the last years of his life. Three clean litter boxes helped (so he could get tothem intime) and I also had hardwood and took up the rugs. I still miss him three years later.
As for hating you work, I moved to Germany from NY to get away from mine ;-) .
And if I had your ass, I would be happy in all things;-)

Snickollet said...

Damn. You are one fine lookin' piece of chicken, as my best friend from college would say.

Sorry things suck on all fronts. I have no words of wisdom, but I have oodles of empathy.

Anonymous said...

I am sucking in my tummy just looking at your picture...so what if everything else is falling apart...at least you look gorgeous!

Um, and I have to admit that I am the cycle addict in the family...I dream up family cycling holidays, drag DH and my boy on hellacious charity rides, freeze DD's arse off on the baby seat and pore over magazines dedicated to the subject. Oh, and we live in Scotland...not exactly heaven for the two wheeler!

Tell more about your wild holiday please...and blog more often!

Fiona

Dara said...

nice tushy.

yeah, no grilled cheese would send me over the edge, too.

your ass is inspiring...man, I have to start running again!

Anonymous said...

You are one hot Doctor Mama! I'm sorry life is overwhelming. Your job & your kid both demand a LOT from you, and TH is too distracted to help. Hang in there.

Feral Mom said...

I'm with everyone else--what snake? Dude, you look fantastic! Hope this is the storm before some calm and that life gets easier to manage soon.

Eve said...

Well, you ass just looks great! Sorry about the rest of your life and I totally empathize - I hate my job, too! Batten down the hatches and I will hope the sucking doesn't last long for you.

Anonymous said...

Since it's always good to give unsolicted assvice: My evil halfblind cat (but that way since kittenhood due to a raging eye infection) who pooped randomly on stuff (but most especially my bed when she was mad at me for, oh, breathing) has stopped her evil ways since I put her on Prozac. It's annoying to give her a pill once a day, but much less annoying than removing poop from the bed.

Hope things improve in many ways for you.

AM

Anonymous said...

Sorry things are tough right now!

Have you thought about moving beyond the fantasizing and actually checking into a hotel all alone for a night or a weekend? The break might really help, and room service probably would have grilled cheese?

Seriously, your sanity is worth it.

Ozma said...

It's hard not to mention how gorgeous you are. Seriously, how can TH spend time thinking about anything but YOU?

OK, now I sound like I'm hitting on you!

I have the job thing, which is a drag. Going from loving to hating the same job. It's strange and I do wonder how I'll make a comeback. Will I ever love it again?

The funny thing is that I say: At least there's home. That's great.

This is not to say: I have it good. nyah. It's to say: I do worry about you a little because when it goes kablooey and there isn't a sanctuary in either realm, then where do you turn? I want to give lame advice but I have none. My lame advice would be: Have you tried yoga? That is truly lame advice. But yoga does help the brain part even if it can't help the rest of it.

I'm sorry. I hope they will have grilled cheese tomorrow. Lord almighty how I related to that. Just the: Everything is screwed up and now there's nothing to EAT? Yes, I have freaked at that moment.

The grilled cheese shall return, the cycling will get dull, Hellboy will mellow out and hopefully, whoever or whatever is making your job suck right now will dissipate. But in the meantime, I'm sorry and hope this all happens very soon.

onward and upward! said...

I too, give kudos to your ass. Wow. I actually gave up running because it completely eradicates what little tushy I do have. And squats--I do one squat and poof! Gone! I literally can work my ass off.

But my husband has a great bum, and hopefully our little Genghis will be inheriting that from him.

Yeah, some times there is no Calgon location, it's disappeared off the map. Just reach behind and fondle yourself, and maybe you can take yourself away ...
I'm joking. But not.

Anonymous said...

Damn, woman! You have some body. I may just have to become a maggot after all. I am wondering why you are holding a snake on a beach though. Not that it matters.

I'm sorry things have been sucky. Lately all Sarge will talk about is a fight he is having with his professor. Do you think it's cabin fever? End of the winter blues, everyone needs some fresh fruit and sunshine? I hope things get better soon.

~Flicka

ccinnkeeper said...

Sorry for all the cr*p in your life. Been there, done that on the job. Now I have my own business, which has its own set of issues.

I second what the anonymous commenter above said: take your fantasy and make it a reality. Treat yourself to a night in a hotel (a GOOD hotel), along with a nice meal maybe a massage. You'll wake up a new person, seriously.

A possible hope for the cat is a product called Feliway. It's a pheromone spray, vets use it to keep cats calm and it helps with out-of-litterbox peeing & pooping. Much more on the product can be found at catfaeries.com, although there are other vendors out there as well.

If it's any consolation, you must be doing something right to be able to wear a bikini after having a baby. And that's a gorgeous snake, is it a reticulated python? The kid is cute, too LOL.

bryan torre said...

i have to second (11th?) the comments about the tuchus. fine work.
also: i'm not there, so i don't know, but you know how sometimes we're in a pissy mood because of stress or hormones or whatever, and we think it's about something someone else is doing, but it really isn't and if we were in a better mood we might even think what the other person's doing is cool? the cycling could be like that.
sounds like you really do need a wknd away, not to mention some attention from TH. and you should do it, without guilt.
(he said, as if he knew...)

Orange said...

Mr. Tangerine says, "Crikey! Are there any more pictures of her?" He is objectifying your lovely gams. (He's been a runner himself at times. And a cyclist. By the way, if TH is cycling a lot, he, too, will have a sublime ass and thighs.)

judy said...

My husband was born in Hawaii. When he turned forty years old he realized that he was letting down the king of good swell by not earnestly training to become a world class surfer.
We live in new Hampshire, yet god bless his soul my husband trudges out in full dry suit paraphernalia to meet with other hard core surfers (half his age) to ride the waves off of the very tiny NH shore.
Did I mention that he does this in below freezing temps while the beach is deep in snow drifts?

Surgeon in my dreams said...

You are one "hottie mommy".

Anyway...hang on. If there is one thing I have learned in my battle, it is everything changes.

You're strong!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, the bike thing. Classic male midlife crisis sport, if Chicago's lakefront is any indication. Easier on the knees than running, though. Has he bought the special seat with a hole for the scrotum?

judy said...

Hey there any advise on my recent post would be so very appreciated.

Old MD Girl said...

You have my sympathies re: the cycling obsessed hubby. An ex of mine was into that. Enough said.

Though, if I keep running through med school and residency, will I have your ass when I'm a big and important attending? Please tell me it will be so.

Also, sometimes bad times DON'T just pass. You have to assess whether they will or not, and make a move if you have to. That's one of the things that is so hard about bad times. Good luck.

Leah said...

I'm glad someone else made the ass comment - because it was the first thing that came to mind! (Great booty!) Second - I just realized why all of your blogging on HB always rivets me...that's how my son acts. He's just 2 yo and I had to ask my mother today (after a trying day at the drs.) "Is he badly behaved for his age? Is he a BRAT?" She pondered and said slowly..."No...I don't THINK so." When he's wonderful he's a sparkling ray of sunshine. Trouble is, most of the time he's cloudy and stormy. (I'm really getting to like this metaphor). eh, sounds like Seattle, doesn't it?

I'm telling myself that the tantrums and defiance aren't brattiness and poor parenting...it's evidence of my son's strong character and intelligence. That in time, and with guidance, he'll be able to use these for good and not evil.

Dragonfly said...

I always attributed my ghetto booty to genetics. Now, clearly it is because I do not run (and genes...)

viagra online said...

I'm snake-phobic, I can't explain to myself how people can be so close of a snake without problems, knowing that they are so dangerous.