Monday, August 21, 2006

Just Peeve

A weekend on call—64 straight hours of being at the mercy of any Nervous Nellie, Suspicious Sam, or Crotchety Carrie who insists on speaking to The Doctor—often leaves me feeling a bit … peevish.

So it was today that I got to musing on a few of my pet peeves.

I’m a live-and-let-live kind of person in general. Really. I notice when something is done wrong, but I don’t get worked up over it. Ok, sure, it bugs me when someone says “for you and I,” and I wish I could get people to believe that they don’t need to drink so much water. But as long as the only person who suffers the consequence of a mistake is the person who makes the mistake, I don’t much care.

It certainly distresses me when someone does something wrong that affects others. Littering, for example, or talking in a movie theater. But to really peeve me, a mistake has to not only mess things up for the rest of us, it has to require real energy on the part of the person making the error. Strenuous misguided labor that results in making things worse for others just chaps my ass. For instance:

Women standing up to pee. This is a silly practice. You really can’t catch anything from resting your thighs on a toilet seat. And it’s hard to do; it requires balance, strength, and concentration to avoid peeing on your own shoes. But why should I care if someone wants to get a mini quad workout in the restroom? Because it messes things up for the rest of us. Women can’t pee without splattering. Not necessarily a lot, but enough to baptize the toilet seat with a few stray droplets and cause an unpleasant splashing sensation for the next person who tries to sit down. This creates a moist domino effect: the next person is more likely to avoid sitting in the future, causing further splatter, and so on. Please, if it skeeves you out to rest your delicate thighs on a public toilet seat, either take some paper towels in with you to clean up after yourself when you’re finished (and remember, don’t flush them—just tuck them in the tampon box), or get one of these.

Using a car’s side mirrors as extra rear-view mirrors. The mirrors on the sides of the car are meant to reveal what’s in your blind spots. If you adjust them to show the back of your car, you are wasting your time, but worse, you are making it more likely that you will not be able to see the rest of us, and you may hit us. These are some good descriptions of how to properly position the side mirrors.

Installing Jacuzzi tubs in every frickin’ rehab and new construction in the country. Jacuzzis are stupid. I know of hardly anyone who actually uses theirs more than once a year. Jacuzzis are noisy, they take forever to fill, they use up all the hot water in the house, and they’re hard to clean. They take up a lot of space and cost a lot of money as well. But who do Jacuzzis really hurt? Well, anyone who wants to have a new bathroom with a real bathtub; it takes a lot of money to tear one out. But the Jacuzzi craze really hurts everyone, because they take twice the amount of hot water to fill one compared to a real bathtub, and they have motors. The amount of energy wasted on these dumb contraptions is outrageous.

What am I forgetting? Where have you noticed people striving mightily to do something completely idiotic and harmful? (Mentioning Hummers is too easy—that’s shooting ducks in a barrel. Dead ducks.)

36 comments:

Sandra said...

What do you mean people drink too much water? I've only ever heard health professionals advise 2 litres per day minimum. Are you saying they're all wrong?

Klynn said...

My pet peeve: People who drive like they're on an obstacle course. You know, the ones who drive in heavy traffic, at twice the speed of the flow of traffic, weaving in and out and cutting people off. Only to get to the red light ONE SECOND FASTER than everyone else. Um, excuse me, I have a toddler in the car over here who I'd like to see grow up, not get crushed in a 10 car pile up because some a$$wipe absolutely must get to their destination mere seconds faster than someone who drives responsibly. Oops, can you tell I was cut off in traffic by an idiot this morning? What's really funny is that I still beat him to the exit/red light where he turned off, and I didn't pass anyone or change lanes. I just sat back and watched him weave in and out and finally get wedged in and stuck in the other lane. HA. Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now. I bet you're in for some doozies from other folks, though. :D

Anonymous said...

About the pee-squat phenom, I heard somewhere it increases the risk of UTI. I advise the UTI sufferers that deign to be my co-workers and best buddies to just double layer and sit their booties down...

Just doin' my part to help the world one day at a time.

DoctorMama said...

Sandra -- yes, they are wrong, wrong, wrong. I talk about it a little bit here .

Amie said...

I was so excited because the house we were buying had a jacuzzi! tub in the master suite. I tried it once, and just as you said it took forever to fill and wasn't even that great. Now its never going to be used again. What a waste.

thumbscre.ws said...

I think the Jacuzzi craze is due to one simple yet forever-unstated fact: they are Fun to Do It In.

There, I said it! Take THAT, Jacuzzi manufactuerers' mafia, what with your ALLEGED health benefits!

I despise the stand-to-pee practice. That' why you dry-sit. Yeah, I said THAT, too. C'mon, people... no one ever caught anything from a few drops of wee-wee on denim.

Other than the use of "gay" as a derogatory adjective and nasty retribution having won out over kindness and compassion as a way to deal with the rest of humanity's lapses and stumbles, can't really think of any personal peeves.

I LOVE THE ARCHIVE WIDGET!

Carrie in MN said...

Gotta echo Thumbscrews...we had a big soaker tub in our last house (no jacuzzi, just a very big tub) and it was the perfect cheap date for us when we had baby twins and absolutely no money.

mamamarta said...

i know this is not what you mean, cause i'm getting all serious on you, but homophobia feels sorta like that to me. to be more specific, all that effort to ban gay marriage, what's up with that? if it weren't so hateful and scary, it would just seem laughably silly.

DoctorMama said...

Hey, I'm serious about the jacuzzis!
No, truly seriously, mamamarta, I think the anti-gay marriage crusade is a PERFECT example of "striving mightily to do something completely idiotic and harmful."

Stacitee said...

My pet peeve is people who don't know how to merge onto the interstate. Is it so hard to get up to speed and then glide in between other cars? Why do so many people end up cowering on the shoulder of the road because they couldn't either speed up and get in front, or slow down and get behind the cars on the interstate? Why do people drive 35 MPH on the on ramp and then act surprised when they have difficulty merging with cars going 65 MPH?

Dawn said...

I can't begin to catalogue everything that irritates me, but I do think you'll be happy to know that there's a move towards making the "jacuzzi" bathtubs that are actually about the same size or only slightly larger than a standard bathtub (apparently, there's been some backlash against the oversized tubs that use enormous quantities of water, take forever to fill, etc.).

I only know this because my parents recently built a new house and it was a topic of conversation for a few weeks about what type of tub to get. They did get one of the smaller tubs and I have to say that my 2 year old loves it. She takes a bath at my mom's whenever she can, because the jets make for better bubbles.

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree with your "women standing up to pee" stance. I'm a hoverer (though I do wipe the seat afterwards)and on no account will I ever sit on any minging seat (not even the one at home after my son and his friends have been around)! Anyway, what if TH fancied having a feel of your bare upper thigh - with added bacterial flora - ugh!

As a teacher, my pet peeves come in the shape of children called after Scottish islands (Lewis, Harris, Skye), places their parents have shagged (Glencairn Forrest, Brooklyn, Paris) or celebs. The mantra "it's not you I don't like, it's your behaviour" has to be employed with force. Note, this is not a general rule, but really, the moniker you give your kids can affect their life path!

Fiona

NoShowMo said...

I am sooo with you on the hovering issue. If no one hovered, there would be (almost) no germs on the seat. But for the ones who ruin it for the rest of us: if you must hover, LIFT THE SEAT. That way, your splatters will leave the rest of us alone.

Other than that, my biggest pet peeve is audible chewing, particularly ice and gum. No one wants to listen to what's going on in your mouth, and ice can be heard from 10 ft away.

DoctorMama said...

Hmmm ... I suppose it does take some effort to give a child the name of a place you've shagged, though the effort tends to come afterward, when trying to explain the name. (I know something about this, I confess, because HellBoy has an uncommon name -- but it's NOT a Scottish island, I swear. Nor a place I ever shagged. And it is a "real" name.)

The thing with audible chewing, though it skeeves me out too, is that it generally takes LESS effort on the part of the chewer. So doesn't qualify as one of my peeves.

thumbscre.ws said...

I so, so want to meet a kid named "New Jersey Turnpike Rest Area Johnson" or "On Top of the Decommisioned Mimeograph Machine at the Employee Holiday Party Steinberg".

CaerLiveSound said...

Pedestrians who purposely, defiantly, arrogantly cross the street as slowly as they can while traffic waits. Sometimes, they stare right into the drivers' eyes, to indicate that they know EXACTLY what they're doing.

Toasted sandwiches. Now, every Tom Dick and Harry in the food business is toasting their sandwiches like Quiznos... what a waste of time, electricity, and good bread. Even WaWa is doing it! Nobody suffered through lunch before without toasted rolls!

Crusty, muddy toiletbowl handles that result when people who don't want to touch the handle flush instead with their disgusting foot!

Return Of Saturn said...

Last night while at the gym, I had to make a trip to the restroom. I walked into the first stall...oh, look, pee all over the seat. Stall number 2, same deal. And same for stall number 3. Finally, the 4th, and final stall yeilded a clean dry seat for me to rest my buns on. WTF??! Why can't you just throw down a seat liner and sit like you were meant to? Anyway, this experience made me think of your post, Dr. Mama so I had to share.

My pet peeves are: people who walk down the center of the aisle in the parking lot so you are forced to drive at their pace; people who type using "text speak" (e.g., i will see u l8tr). Is it really that hard to type out a few extra letters?; and people who don't put their kids in car seats (though this is more serious than an annoying little peeve).

Anonymous said...

Hee hee, NJTRAJ for short. We could have called our daughter Petri in honour of her place of conception - ah, an opportunity missed. Honestly though, this scourge strikes at the very heart of your government - who looks at their newborn daughter and thinks "Condoleezza!" (sp?) - sheesh!

Fiona

PS I know next to nothing about US politics so am not making any sort of stance with my last comment!

cluelesscarolinagirl said...

DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THE DAMN JACUZZIS THING WOMAN!!! We had to redo our bathroom anyway due to a cracked floor so I had them put in a cheap Jacuzzi from Home Depot. It sounds like a jackhammer and the jets are PAINFUL. What a waste of money. grrrrr!!

Abigail said...

The squatters! Hate! DoctorMama, you are a woman after my own heart. This will be so handy for my next rant. Just put your ass on the seat, you prissy twit. A Physician has informed me it is perfectly safe. What isn't safe is incurring the wrath of the woman who sits on your urine.

Poor people voting Republican. Anyone voting Republican. Fat free half and half. Protein powder and all those stupid bars people eat. Skinny jeans - ironically they make you look fat. Self-righteous bicyclists (cousins of Caerlivesound's pedestrians) - and by the way $3000 of gear does not make you Lance and really doesn't make you a rebel.

thistles said...

I want to read the post about the water! For some reason, the link's not working for me.

Pet peeves: cars who don't respect the rights of pedestrians. People with mega-maxi-$3000 strollers. Come on! Do you REALLY need a GPS on a stroller?

Re: the baby naming issue, we got some interesting suggestions for our offspring based on where she was conceived: Sandy, Sullivan, (for Sullivan's Island), Carolina, and my personal favorite: Illegitimata.

ha ha very funny.

Feral Mom said...

I am with you on the hoverers. You might as well just gyrate so that your pee gets all the Christ over everything. I do, however, want one of those handy Pee Vees, though the "no bum show" is a bummer.
Mmmmm....jacuzzis. I like 'em. The water jets wash the germs off ya. I probably wouldn't like cleaning one, though.

cmm said...

Something I hate, hate, hate: men (and it's always men) who insist on backing into parking spots, but then miss and end up taking two spaces with their oversize SUV-type vehicles. Grr...

emjaybee said...

Why does formula cost 18-$25 a can? That's what fills me with hate. No way it needs to be that expensive. Some of us don't have working boobs, fer chrissakes.

Yes hoverers can hover all they want if they would just CLEAN UP THEIR PEE. Honestly. Did their mothers teach them nothing?

Also, I have been told jacuzzis are a big bacteria stew...that water grows things and then you get blasted with it.

We should not have to pay extra not to have corn syrup and pesticides in our damn food.

And also; whoever decided that all Dora stuff was for girls. My son's a huge fan...where are his toys? He hates Diego. Stupid over gendered kid toys...why must we also choose between pink and blue, dammit?

Epiphany Alone said...

Re: named for the shagging place, my little sister is Juliana, named for the airport on St Maartin.

Susan said...

my pet peeve: irregardless

IT IS NOT A WORD PEOPLE!!

Mignon said...

My college roommate was a hoverer in our own bathroom. I got back at her and peed on her side of the room after a particularly exuberant night of drinking the day before we went home for the summer. I think some of it even splattered on her tap shoes. I think I should be ashamed, but I sat in her piss for 9 straight months.

Anonymous said...

Looks like some businesses are dealing with this same peeve.

http://www.hemmy.net/2006/06/27/wacky-signs/

Check out the 4th sign.

amusing said...

I'm with you on the side mirrors -- Mr. X insisted on using them as rear views and would scream at me for setting them properly. Hmmm. Perhaps that explains why he's been through four cars (one of them was mine and he totaled it after I kicked him out) and the rest were his. Idiot.

My other pet peeve (see mention of Mr. "X" above) is people who rationalize adultery "because really he's not that happy and his wife is just awful." Fine. Tell him to end it with her and then you can fuck and play house all you want. But do her the courtesy of including her in the decision about the end of the marriage instead of having her find out by accident after being miserable for a year or more.... Traiterous assholes -- the men and the women.

Rosemary said...

Yikes, I've been driving in California for 5 years now with my mirrors set WRONG!

I set them the way those articles suggest and suddenly I. Can. See. My. Blind. Spot.

Considering that I took all of 5 hours of lessons, passed a 10min driving test, and bought my own car the next day and let myself loose on the freeways...its amazing I got this far. Especially with mis-set mirrors.

Please can you explain about the too much water? My husband drinks about 3L a day, and I'm starting to wonder if it's counter productive.

Amy said...

thanks for talking about the pee thing - it seems silly that women expect men to lift and lower the seat for us, yet we (those of us who don't sit on public toilets) won't do it for each other!

Eve said...

Oh my god!! I am SO behind you on the peeing!! I always tell the people I work with that unless you have open wounds on the backs of your thighs you WILL NOT get anything from a damn toilet seat, so sit the hell down or wipe up afterwards!

Also, the gay marriage ban - I am extremely peeved at people wanting to tell other people what they can and cannot do when it really does not effect them at all!

Anonymous said...

yes- good lord! re: the peeing on the seat. This morning I took my son into the washroom at the airport and loudly said, "Oh, we can't go in this one, because somebody has peed on the seat. You know who it was? Somebody who wouldn't sit down because they might get pee on them. So they're the one causing the problem. That's why we always SIT DOWN on the toilet seat."

Doing my duty to preach, to five airport-transiters at a time.

Anonymous said...

Sorry bout that, I am the anonymous pee preacher.

-Mamitalinda

legalmama said...

Oh my God, I think you are my soulmate! (JK, I'm not nuts.) I was just randomly surfing around and I came across your blog, and I agree with all of what you've said here. In fact, I just posted a mini-rant on my own (very new) blog about hoverers messing up the toilet seats for the rest of us. And just last weekend, I was ranting about jacuzzis, and what a waste they are. When I see a jacuzzi I know that that is a tub that never gets used. My friend has a ridiculous McMansion with a huge jacuzzi tub. The other day, she took her first bath in that tub (after living in her house for four years) and she ran out of hot water before it was even full. (Okay, I have to say it -- the reason she was using her tub for the very first time was that she had an anal fistula that hurt a lot, is that the right word?) I am a true bath lover, take a bath practically every day, and I had a jacuzzi in a rental apartment once, and never turned it on. Tubs should be deep enough to keep your protruding parts from getting cold, but not too long, or you will slip under the water too far and get your book wet, and they should not have motors.

Last one. I swear to God I almost had an accident last week because I didn't see a car in my blindspot, and I've been really worried, and thinking I didn't have my side mirrors adjusted correctly. So who knows, you may have just saved a life.

Okay, really last one. The water thing. I am an on-and-off weight watcher. Weight Watchers has this thing where you're supposed to drink a certain amount of water each day, I think it is six glasses, nothing crazy. But people take it to such ridiculous extremes, I'm afraid someone is going to drown themselves. On ww online, women actually have water checks, where they will announce how much water they've had so far that day, like "its 10 a.m., and I've had 100 ounces so far, shooting for 200." "Only 60 here, I'm having a rough day!" I'm not kidding, or even exagerrating. Maybe it does help them lose weight. They must spend half the day walking to the bathroom and back, and recent studies have shown that fidgeters are thinner. I'd sure fidget a lot if I drank that much water every day.

Sorry for hijacking your blog, but I just couldn't believe you had written about all this stuff that struck such a cord with me.

Now, back to my previously-scheduled and due-very-soon brief.

Anonymous said...

If girls want to stand to pee like the guys, they should be curteous and put the seat up like MOST guys do.