My colleague who announced her pregnancy last month had an ultrasound that revealed no heartbeat. She's scheduled for a D&E next week.
Now I feel really rotten about feeling jealous. And when she told me about it, she said, "People are asking if I'm going to try again, but I don't think so ... this got me thinking about how shaky my marriage is, and how much easier it's gotten for me since my son is getting a little older. It would be so hard to go through the early part again." She has a chronic and painful medical condition, but she does basically everything around the house. She asked her husband to put their son to bed the night after the ultrasound, since she was feeling pretty low, and he refused. To top it off, he wanted to have sex. (She declined.)
Then one of my other colleagues, Z, who's done several unsuccessful IVF cycles, overheard a medical student receive news that her father died. Z didn't really know the student, but she was worried about her driving the hour and a half to get to her family's, so Z cancelled her Valentine's plans with her husband so that she could drive the student home.
Now our wonderful friend E is going to spend part of her precious free day tomorrow babysitting for HellBoy, who is febrile and coughing and can't go to daycare. (E discovered this blog and was worried that I might feel like I can't complain about her here. AS IF.)
Basically, this is making it clear to me that I'm a selfish asshole.
I resolve to turn over a new leaf. No more Schadenfreude for me. I'm on call this weekend and rounding in the hospital and will do my best to be as positive, helpful, and ungrumpy as I can be to everyone I see.
Maybe I'll even bring donuts.