We agree that yes, another child is theoretically something we both want. So far so good.
The problem is where to get this child. Options include:
- Go back to the ART clinic and see if another few go-rounds with IVF yield anything.
Pros: Might get another bio kid, resulting in a matched set; no arduous adoption process.
Cons: Much less likely to work now than last time given my age; the time, energy, and cost; pregnancy; birth; the cold sweat and palpitations I get remembering the needles, the probes, the walking around throbbing with rage at anything and everything when my estradiol level goes above 1000.
- Donor eggs.
Pros: TrophyHusband's mensch-y genes; no arduous adoption process; get a baby from birth.
Cons: End up with a hard-to-explain half-matched set of kids; cost; pregnancy; birth.
Pros: Could choose the sex; no pregnancy; no birth.
Cons: The whole arduous process; cost; not having the baby from birth; and, where to adopt from? The open-adoption circuit is out -- I watched my sister go through that and I know I couldn't take the uncertainty. So that leaves non-white babies. TH's stepfather is African-American, which makes this question even more delicate in our family. I'm not sure I'd be able to watch one of my children be discriminated against. But would we seem racist if we chose to adopt internationally?