tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post412360948441507920..comments2023-12-11T08:19:00.272-05:00Comments on DoctorMama: The Nana Wars Continue (Continued)DoctorMamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05187502628715846144noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-18548102071931196642010-04-28T03:03:49.505-04:002010-04-28T03:03:49.505-04:00Have I mentioned how much better you all have made...Have I mentioned how much better you all have made me feel about this? Thank you. And I promise I'll let you in on the next missile strike. I expect it will have something to do with HB's birthday party. There is also a 70 percent chance that an attempt will be made (by Nana) to drag TH's sister into this.DoctorMamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05187502628715846144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-38809767954149434322010-04-27T16:09:40.953-04:002010-04-27T16:09:40.953-04:00My comment about being "voyeuristic" was...My comment about being "voyeuristic" was mostly in jest, but c'mon, this IS structured like a classic cliffhanger! The letter goes out, and . . . ?<br /><br />I didn't mean to make light of a serious situation and I was sincere in my kudos to TH (and DoctorMama, for sure!).Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04375647538132182880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-56494869500692644422010-04-27T02:26:12.895-04:002010-04-27T02:26:12.895-04:00To Winecat and Amy,
No I'm not awaiting every...To Winecat and Amy,<br /><br />No I'm not awaiting every salacious detail, but I am anxious and hopeful that this aspect of DoctorMama's life will get better--soon. <br /><br />DM has been posting about "Nana" for a long time and I feel emotionally invested in this issue. <br /><br />[Note to DM, not so invested that it affects my life, I have my own complex challenges and a Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-46123672545920263572010-04-26T17:42:46.412-04:002010-04-26T17:42:46.412-04:00Cudos to TH, great response. Of course she's ...Cudos to TH, great response. Of course she's going to try to place the blame on you "my son never spoke to me before he married you" - just been through that ourselves.<br />Let it roll off your back like water<br />You and TH are doing what's best for HB and he is the most important player here.<br /><br />Yes I do find it somewhat creepy that we're awaiting every winecathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07033530470009978632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-12670855193968368852010-04-26T11:21:43.813-04:002010-04-26T11:21:43.813-04:00I applaud you both for sticking up for a child aga...I applaud you both for sticking up for a child against a crazy relative. I so wished that my parents would have done that for me, but my mom stuck up for the alcoholic who liked to terrify children into hysterical crying in corners, and my dad is and was terrified of my mom.<br /><br />You two rock.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-10572919806182436092010-04-26T09:34:25.350-04:002010-04-26T09:34:25.350-04:00It will definitely be interesting to see if she do...It will definitely be interesting to see if she does turn up. If she's not a resentful type she may turn up and act like nothing was said. But to be told that she is the problem and is not allowed one on one time with HB - well, surely she will be a little hurt/offended so it is hard to say. Maybe she will just send a present instead and not come.Kimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-19493267451011389332010-04-24T07:54:48.652-04:002010-04-24T07:54:48.652-04:00Chiming in late here! Nana sounds just like my mo...Chiming in late here! Nana sounds just like my mother-in-law: the rewriting history, the histrionic personality, the inability to ever admit fault, the continuous assigning of blame and random 'punishing' of the offenders. <br />It's definitely taken a toll on my husband his entire life, and recently he's started to set boundaries (hate that expression, btw, but it fits) and Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10998700965688959938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-20885360608711891222010-04-23T16:29:37.853-04:002010-04-23T16:29:37.853-04:00Soooo ... utter silence thus far (five days).
TH ...Soooo ... utter silence thus far (five days).<br /><br />TH feels exceedingly relieved to have gotten it out in the open, and says he really doesn't care how she reacts at this point.<br /><br />Yes, Kim, she is exactly the sort of person who can never, ever be to blame for anything. My guess is that I will be the fall girl in the end, in her mind, but so be it. She doesn't really hold DoctorMamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05187502628715846144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-32077426377056717782010-04-23T15:46:40.964-04:002010-04-23T15:46:40.964-04:00Oh wow - I think her response will depend upon the...Oh wow - I think her response will depend upon the extent of her personality disorder. Like is she the type who is never in the wrong? or never to blame for anything - because if she can't take the blame for anything TH will be in the wrong of course and how dare he. Also, how well can she hold a resentment - like how many people does she have nothing to do with any more?Kimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-6127132935077702602010-04-23T14:56:20.485-04:002010-04-23T14:56:20.485-04:00How does TH feel? -victoriaHow does TH feel? -victoriaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-61684185516934572512010-04-21T15:43:14.730-04:002010-04-21T15:43:14.730-04:00Anyone else slightly embarrassed about how eager t...Anyone else slightly embarrassed about how eager they are to see this play out? Totally voyeuristic, sorry DoctorMama. I think your TH is amazing for writing that letter. Takes major courage.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04375647538132182880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-1672321790671730002010-04-20T11:34:25.377-04:002010-04-20T11:34:25.377-04:00Damn! So much for deflection. I guess I had assu...Damn! So much for deflection. I guess I had assumed she would be as oblivious to the conflict as my MIL. <br /><br />Well done though. Simple, direct and to the point without blaming per se (which is likely to inflame). <br /><br />Good luck.Diane Evanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08491667613991427625noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-68451759712906971572010-04-19T22:26:59.689-04:002010-04-19T22:26:59.689-04:00Bravo, TH. Great response.
And Lynn Jenness, I to...Bravo, TH. Great response.<br /><br />And Lynn Jenness, I totally appreciate your situation. When you have a crazy parent, you have to deal with it in whatever way you can. The main thing is saving <i> your own</i> sanity.<br /><br />I was out of touch with my dad for almost three years, and it was not easy. (Though it was partly his choice - I said "I can't talk to you on the phone, butE.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10023959769203103393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-9894623244019447822010-04-19T20:43:28.159-04:002010-04-19T20:43:28.159-04:00His response was fantastic. LouHis response was fantastic. LouAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-46705505140194232192010-04-19T12:26:45.114-04:002010-04-19T12:26:45.114-04:00I think TH's first sentence is BEAUTIFUL, but ...I think TH's first sentence is BEAUTIFUL, but he buries the lede a bit--I would have been abrupt and just said: As HB's father I decide what's right for him.<br /><br />Yay for him and for you, though! I hope it simply shuts her up and makes her think twice of being an ass around HB and y'all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-41253437702307060822010-04-19T09:19:26.039-04:002010-04-19T09:19:26.039-04:00It is very, very, difficult to tell a parent to st...It is very, very, difficult to tell a parent to step back. As upsetting as it must be for T.H., he did the right thing by not ignoring the situation and telling her the way he feels and what his limits are. Good for you T.H. and D.M. I'm proud of you both.Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03338902449562532703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-26805532437811787702010-04-17T18:59:07.640-04:002010-04-17T18:59:07.640-04:00She sounds so manipulative that I doubt any attemp...She sounds so manipulative that I doubt any attempts to be rational with her will succeed. Be prepared to take a fair amount of shit if/when you tell her that you're going to limit contact, but if you parents can handle it out of hearing of your son, he'll be much better off. I think the main object to keep in mind is that you are protecting him from abusive behavior, no matter what it Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-18344270565121648562010-04-17T15:23:21.849-04:002010-04-17T15:23:21.849-04:00OMG it just came to me!
OK, here's the thing:...OMG it just came to me!<br /><br />OK, here's the thing: honesty won't work. You cannot say to her, <br /><br />"Nana, you have Histrionic Personality Disorder, and we will have no contact with you until you have completed at least one year of dialectical behavior therapy. That's you're only hope of getting better, and our only chance for having a real relationship."<Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-7912678521145462002010-04-17T10:57:57.556-04:002010-04-17T10:57:57.556-04:00E.-- totally agree with your dad-wrangling techniq...E.-- totally agree with your dad-wrangling technique: be honest and firm, and clear about boundaries. My prior comment stems from my own soul-weary frustration with my mother, since no amount of honesty or candor ever seems to get us anywhere but round and round in argumentative circles-- hence the estrangement!<br /><br />this makes me think i should go back to therapy... i'm taking the easyLynn Jennesshttp://www.leafpilejumper.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-47000379208907147062010-04-16T22:43:05.268-04:002010-04-16T22:43:05.268-04:00I must say I have to disagree with Lynn J. I think...I must say I have to disagree with Lynn J. I think you have to make an attempt to tell her in as forthright and kind manner as you can why you are indeed uncomfortable with her. (Esp. now that she's basically invited such a revelation.) 1st of all, then the bullshit is all in her court. If that's going to feed the fire, so be it. But you have to give it shot, because 2nd of all, you don&E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10023959769203103393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-77942075494882078592010-04-16T17:40:58.376-04:002010-04-16T17:40:58.376-04:00I'd go something along the lines of "his ...I'd go something along the lines of "his tantrums are entirely age appropriate: yours, on the other hand, are not".<br /><br />Gah!<br /><br />FionaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-52244985141302355242010-04-16T15:59:10.905-04:002010-04-16T15:59:10.905-04:00"Thanks for asking! We'd be most comfort..."Thanks for asking! We'd be most comfortable if you didn't come, since we'd hate for you to ruin his birthday with one of your tantrums. They make HB, and the rest of us, very uncomfortable. I must applaud you on your perceptiveness."OMDGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17937425894428802591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-25015396144925684222010-04-16T14:36:30.431-04:002010-04-16T14:36:30.431-04:00Oh, wow. I feel for her.
She knows, on some le...Oh, wow. I feel for her. <br /><br />She knows, on some level, that she is the problem. She is scared to confront her own behavior, but she knows, deep down, that she owes you an apology.<br /><br />This is hard for her, too. <br /><br />I wish you the best of luck. I know you'll figure this out. <br /><br />-victoriaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-14777089251126643322010-04-16T12:23:06.756-04:002010-04-16T12:23:06.756-04:00You know I'm so wanting to say, "As I rec...You know I'm so wanting to say, "As I recall, it was YOU who had the outburst/tantrum, not him." But I won't.DoctorMamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05187502628715846144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15583952.post-48323000902572776062010-04-16T10:26:50.978-04:002010-04-16T10:26:50.978-04:00my blood pressure is going up just reading this, a...my blood pressure is going up just reading this, and it's not even MY mother-in-law.... <br /><br />i am still estranged from my own mother since her Thanksgiving tantrum last fall, in the interests of my self defense. Speaking from my own experiences, i can tell you that responding to her inquiries/statements about your comfort levels and HB's last outburst is a fruitless endeavor that Lynn Jennesshttp://www.leafpilejumper.comnoreply@blogger.com